Where Have We come?
by soaring freedom
Summary: The first time was one of the hardest and the easiest. Obi-Wan loses at Mustafar, but instead of dying he wakes up at the dawn of the last day of the republic, doomed to repeat the worst day of his life, over and over again. Cover Image by Okha on deviantart.


**AN** **:** This work is cross posted on AO3 under the same name.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything.

 **Where Have We Come?**

The first time was one of the hardest and the easiest.

Hardest because nothing will ever come close to the hurt and pain of seeing his apprentice's eyes glowing bright yellow, or watching everything he ever cared about crumble to pieces, for the first time.

Easiest because he had thought that when everything was over; he would find peace at last.

But he was wrong, very wrong.

That first time he died a fiery death on Mustafar and his last thought as he gazed at his fallen brother's eye was _how could it have come to this?_

He had no idea that he would have to go through it again and again and again.

And then he woke up screaming.

The second time was a big maelstrom of thoughts and emotions.

He was very disoriented, somewhere between reality and something else he couldn't identify.

He didn't understand much of what was happening. But he thought then, that if he denied the visions hard enough then it won't become a reality.

He knows better now.

That day he ends up dying on Mustafar and then he wakes up screaming.

The next few relives quickly pass by.

Different events happen and he gets acquainted with the rule of cause and effect more than he would have liked.

Through them all there were only three constants. He always tried to save his brother.

Sometimes Anakin would listen to him peacefully, other times he would be so close to convince him of the error of his ways, he tries to explain to Anakin time loops and living and reliving the same day and the dangers of the dark side more than once, and sometimes Anakin never allows him the chance to speak. He doesn't remember when, but at some point he decides to ask Senator Amidala for help, some days her presence makes everything much better and sometimes it just gives Anakin that last push.

But it doesn't matter at the end for he always fails, and Anakin always falls. And he always ends up dying a tragic death at his former Padawan's hand.

And as he wakes up screaming to face "another day" he wonders what arguments he should use against Anakin today.

He read somewhere that Madness is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In that case he had gone mad a long time ago.

On his 53rd time, he never bothers to get out of his quarters or his bed for that matter.

Anakin comes to check on him, but he leaves soon enough believing that his former master is only tired and needs rest.

And when the clones come knocking on his door, he welcomes death and wishes for a reprieve.

It's the first time he doesn't die by Anakin's hand, but he won't realize the significance of that until later, much later.

The 77th day was short.

He never sees Anakin that day but it was a good one nonetheless.

A bad day is when he dies last, when he knows he is the last living of his brethren. When he has to watch everything he ever worked for come tumbling down.

A bad day is when he has to watch everyone he might have ever cared about suffer an untimely death and lose the one person he ever truly loved to a fate worse than death

Today he decided to face Palpatine himself in a fool's crusade, and he died a fast if a very painful death.

And then he woke up screaming.

On the 91st day he tells the council the truth.

It doesn't go as well as it could have.

Maybe if he planned it first, if he had arguments and evidence ready. Then maybe, maybe things could have gone better. As it is, spelling their doom in an overly dramatic voice accompanied by hysteric laughter in the middle of a council meeting only earned him a trip to the mind healers.

He is unconscious this time when he the fatal blow comes, but it hurts and he knows it was Anakin nonetheless.

And then he wakes up screaming.

On his 121st try he feels a little bit down.

So he takes Anakin to Dex's, it's the first time but not the last, not by far.

They generally have a good time, he mightn't speak much but he enjoys listening to Anakin, even if everything was painted with bittersweet touch.

If he is feeling extra patient he would even dare to invite Amidala, it takes a lot to field off all of Anakin's questions and to act all oblivious and nonchalant but it's worth it in the end, and Anakin's smile shines brighter on those days.

He feels slight regret knowing that he will be the only one to remember these good times.

When the 162nd time rolls by, he had tried to flee a total of 37 times.

He never makes it far from Coruscant's atmosphere, sometimes with Anakin, sometimes alone, a couple of times with Padme, he thought then that they could start their life together somewhere else, somewhere safe.

Sometimes he never even makes it to the ship, sometimes it a meteor shower, or a freak accident.

Today he is also attempting to escape.

He grips his ignited lightsaber in his hand tight, he is just using a different method.

On the 189th time he decides to tell the council. Everything.

This time he is ready and this time they believe him. How he wishes they didn't.

It's the first time he outlives Anakin, and if he has any say in the matter it would be the last.

This day the Jedi seem to have a fighting chance, it seems that the advance warning did them good. But it doesn't matter anyway for in the end he dies, a stray bolt does the job this time.

And if he wasn't fighting at the best of his ability, if he allowed the bolt to hit, well no one but him will remember anyway.

And as he wakes up screaming he vows never to tell the truth again.

On his 218th he gives up on meditation.

It doesn't seem to help any, and the force never offers wisdoms or answers.

He starts to think if this is some type of punishment for something he had done. He isn't not arrogant enough to say that it's for something he had done in a past life, he is quite aware that he had done many things this lifetime that could warrant such punishment.

On the 230th time, he falls for the first time.

He offers himself to Sidious, and Sidious accepts.

He doesn't know what he was thinking then, some combination of at least this way Anakin won't fall and maybe the dark side will protect him from the hurt. Maybe he won't feel anything this way.

That day is probably the worst.

That time he doesn't watch, that time he brings death and destruction to the things he cared about himself.

Yoda makes a quick work out of him, muttering sadly with his ears dropping low. And as he lies dying, he thanks his lucky stars that he never meets Anakin this time, some hurts are just too much to bear.

And then he wakes up screaming.

On the 248th time, he discovers that he never told Anakin he loved him before "this day", and he makes sure to say it every day after that.

On the 253rd day, he starts getting crazy.

Or maybe he was going crazy all along, and he only just noticed it "today".

Nonetheless he could swear he saw his deceased master standing at the foot of his bed.

Maybe he had just died enough times that he is starting to see the dead.

It's not a comforting thought, he stops counting the days after that one.

For the next few days he starts to see his master more and more.

He stopped trying to figure if he was real or not a long time ago. It doesn't matter either way.

And then Qui-Gon starts whispering to him.

He says that twisting time is something only the force can do, the force can't have its' chosen one turn to the dark side, nor would it accept his death so soon. he says that to save himself he has to save his apprentice first, only then would the day stop repeating itself.

Qui-Gon seems satisfied to have delivered his message and Obi-Wan doesn't know how to explain that he has been doing exactly that all this time, he doesn't need otherworldly messengers to tell him to save his own brother.

 _Why he is the one who remembers if the force wants to save another?_ he asks Qui-Gon one time, but Qui-Gon doesn't answer. He couldn't figure if it's because he doesn't know, or if it's because Qui-Gon is only a figment of his imagination and even his subconscious can't find a plausible answer to that.

Today, he decides to tell the council a little tidbit of the truth.

He only reveals the identity of the Sith lord and he doesn't elaborate much past the will of the force, and visions. Making sure to be vague as hell.

They believe his flimsy excuses, although Yoda gives him a knowing look. And he starts to wonder if his lies are that transparent or if the old troll knows something he doesn't.

It's not the first time he wonders if maybe someone else is reliving the day just like him, but it's the first time that he thinks it's a very real possibility.

This time they actually manage to kill Sidious which is a first. But it's too late anyway.

Sidious had many fail safes and the clones still turn anyway.

And at the end things go up in flames.

Anakin dies in his arms, it's not the first time that he dies a Jedi, nor is it the first time that he dies in his arms but it still hurts all the same.

He doesn't outlive Anakin by far, but this time he wakes up soundlessly.

This time he makes it to dawn, it's a first.

He left the temple right after he woke up and spent the rest of the day hiding. Even though he knows he can't hide from the powers of the dark side for long.

And as he watches the sun rise above the horizon he hears the distinct sound of an ignited lightsaber and the echo of footsteps he knows better than his own.

For the first time he doesn't die alone.

Anakin's arms are around him, and his head is resting on his chest.

Death is around the corner and for once he feels almost reluctant to go, almost.

He smiles at his brother and relishes the taste of sweet victory. Anakin is crying and whispering brokenly but more importantly his eyes are clear blue, like the deepest ocean.

He raises his hand and wipes away Anakin's tears in a move reminiscent of another. There is a lot that he wishes to say, a lot that he said already, but only exists in his memory. He only hopes that he doesn't have to say them. That Anakin knows of the things he kept hidden inside of him for so long, he hopes that Anakin understands.

Darkness starts to encroach on his vision, and Anakin fades from his view, but at the moment he feels invincible, he feels ready to face whatever lies ahead.

Even if it's just another day.

 _But where have we come, and where shall we end?_

 _If dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?_

 _0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0_

 **Hope you enjoyed the read, and don't forget to leave a comment**.

If you have any questions feel free to ask.  
I was planning to do this idea for a while, i actually started writing a multi chaptered fic, but then suddenly i found myself grabbing my pen at 3 a.m and 20 minutes later this fic was born.  
Anyway the **Lyrics at the end** were taken from my favorite show, 'Over The Garden Wall'  
This is a one-shot for now.  
And I am sorry for the slightly ambiguous ending, but i couldn't see it ending any other way..


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